Is going from zero to one baby a bigger adjustment than going from one to two…
I thought number one was hard. I was always so tired, so hungry, SO thirsty. I missed work, weekends, and doing anything on a whim. For me the adjustment of going from zero to one kid was massive. Before my son, my world revolved around me and it was a lifestyle that was hard to give up.
So I braced for number two. People had warned me – ‘don’t have a second until your first is toilet trained’. Others would say: ‘make sure your first has already moved out of the cot and into a big bed’. We hadn’t done any of that by the time our second baby arrived. Yet even though our second baby had a rough start, once we got it all together it didn’t feel so hard the second time around. The tiredness didn’t ache in my bones like it did with my first born, the uncertainty didn’t grip me as tightly or have me googling symptoms at 3am in the morning. I wasn’t as grumpy, as needy, as worried. It was as if I’d created some sort of muscle memory that remembered all those sleepless nights and made me more equip to deal with them the second time around.
The truth is my daughter is a very relaxed baby, in a way my son wasn’t. Whenever I comment on this, my mum always chirps in and says ‘it’s because you’re so much more relaxed’. Which is true. Where I once attempted to rule with an iron fist, I’ve since had to embrace flexibility because even with the strictest of schedules, chances are she will fall asleep on the daycare drop off or he will wake her up as he stomps down the hallway, arms lifted, teeth bared like a T.Rex.
This time around I definitely feel more confident with my role as a mother. I’m not scrambling to find who I was before children. I still catch glimpses of that person when I order a new dress online, or go out for dinner with my friends (it’s still such a relief to do something just for me) But I’ve learnt to incorporate the person I was into the mum I am now.
By the time my daughter was born, my world was already my son. And sharing that world with her seemed like a natural progression. My life had monumentally changed and because of that, it was easier to shift to from one kid to two, much easier than going from zero to one. As for adding a third into the mix? If we’re ever brave enough to have one more, I’ll let you know…
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